I honestly wanted to like golf. I’d try it every decade or two but it just didn’t take. The whole thing seemed like a perfectly good waste of green space … until this past fall when I finally found a good use for a golf course.
As the sun was setting I came upon an elk herd that had taken over a fairway. I had likely seen many of these elk before including the bull. Typically they were grazing or wandering around. The bull was sometimes with them and he seemed nonchalant to the point of docile. Not today!
The bull was charging around like a beast obsessed even if it all seemed a bit random. There was fire in his eyes and some serious bugling coming off those big lips. This show I was watching was no casual game of golf!
Given my complete inability to grasp the finer beauty of golf, I could not help but compare the two uses of the golf course. Sensitive golf lovers be warned!
I could visualize our virtual golfer carefully lining up his shot and taking seven practice swings while his partner patiently waits. Meanwhile the bull elk is randomly charging up and down the fairway brazenly showing everyone why he is the star of this show.
Our virtual golfer still hasn’t hit the ball as he frowns and studies nothing in particular. Of course everyone around him is carefully quiet lest his weak powers of concentration be disturbed. The silence is shattered when the bull tenses up his entire body and sends out mutliple bugle calls that can be heard over all 18 holes.
The golfer finally makes his shot that veers sharply off course. He smiles awkwardly and makes small talk with his partner. The bull elk scowls at no one in particular and glares in my direction. Thankfully I am a long distance away and particularly pleased I’m not standing between him and those fine-looking females.
Our intrepid golfer muses about getting a little exercise as he takes a few tentative steps from the golf cart to the ball. Thankfully he brought a sweater in case it gets chilly. The bull is sweating from charging around and his taut muscles ripple with every movement.
The golfer hits another shot after making it back on the fairway, then bends over and carefully replaces the divet. The bull elk seems to be urinating all over the same fairway.
The golfer and his partner continue their game, politely following behind the little white balls they have sent bouncing down the course. The bull elk continues to randomly chase cows and send them scattering down the fairway and into the nearby bush. Every now and then he stops to bugle.
On second thot, golf is definitely more exciting.